Gerard Otto: Luxon’s Te Puke video and the confession of an emotional junior staffer

Satire – The Confession of an emotional junior staffer

Emotional Junior Staffer

Bless me National for I have sinned

National Party High Priest

Just read the script damn you!

LOUD RUSTLING OF SCRIPT PAPER

Emotional Junior Staffer

It’s been a long time now, since Simon Bridges was there, since my last confession.

National Party High Priest

Hurry up and get on with it

Emotional Junior Staffer

It was me I did it, not Christopher Luxon.

National Party High Priest

( Impatient eye-roll )

Emotional Junior Staffer

Despite explicit instructions not to by Christopher Luxon, I, I think it says – I over road his command not to publish that Te Puke Video. Overrode not over road.

National Party High Priest

For God’s sake just read the bloody thing!

Emotional Junior Staffer

I alone am guilty – not Christopher Luxon – of authorising his maskless fake video about the logs going in and wood coming out which I maliciously and wilfully published on his facebook page despite direct orders not to.

National Party High Priest

Go on, …

Emotional Junior Staffer

I chose a time that would be most damaging to Christopher Luxon after the Prime Minister had been roasted in the media for not wearing a mask. Yes I did and I laughed with evil socialist glee as I imagined the damage I was doing to his election chances as I pressed that Post blue button on facebook anyway. That will teach you Luxon I screamed like a demon. Hey – I didn’t do any of this he told me to post it?

National Party High Priest

Shuttup and beg for National Party forgiveness.

Emotional Junior Stuffer

Well alright but it’s not true. It says here …So now I beg for forgiveness and accept full responsibility for all the bad things that have happened to the National Party in the past week.

National Party High Priest

And the last bit …

Emotional Junior Staffer

National always obey the rules when it comes to wearing a mask. Yes I like that bit – not very role model like though is it?

National Party Priest

Silence !!! Alright let’s finish this. With the power granted unto me by the Holy National Party Den of Thieves – I absolve you from your sin and wash away your iniquity. In the name of Sir John, Sir Bill and the Capitalist Spirit. You will do three press conferences, seven media articles and be stripped of your National Party membership forever in public as penance. Now go do it in the name of wealth inequality.

Emotional Junior Staffer

But I didn’t do it – and I don’t vote for National, it’s just a job.

National Party Priest

Get out and don’t come back – and send the next fall guy in.

Satire – The Confession of an emotional junior staffer

G 🙂

Never mind lying about his true whereabouts and misleading Kiwis in the process
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